Ahhh, the “friends with an ex” conversation. I don't know how I feel about that. By now, it’s not a question of whether you should or shouldn’t be—the question is whether your ex really wants to be just a … This goes double if you had a … But when she tells you blankly that she just wants to be your friends, she is not interested in you. I'm friends (no sex) with my most recent though. This is especially true if you still love your ex-girlfriend and she wants to be friends. One time it ended badly. I've done it. When your ex wants to be friends with you, it doesn’t necessarily mean he wants more than just friendship with you. I would want to remain friends, or at least on good terms, with an ex so long as the break up wasn't nasty. But I still want her as friend, because after 7 years she's probably the person who knows the most about me. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. I don’t think it’s healthy to pine after an ex. A relationship is different from a friendship because of the intimacy involved. If we don't do well as lovers, we probably shouldn't spend time with one another. My ex wants to be friends after he dumped me — He breaks up with you but wants to be friends. When to stay friends with an ex. I'm in this position right now, after my SO of 7 years broke up with me. Being friends with an ex: The pros and when it should be done. A lot of people will tell you it's impossible. If you play your cards right, it is possible to make him fall in love with you again. I always prefer to be on good terms at the very least, but my willingness to be friends depends on the nature of our breakup. If you’re the one that initiated the breakup, then staying friends can be courting trouble. Most of the time when an ex says he still wants to be friends, he's really saying that he’s not ready to cope with the loss. Uff, sounds like a tough time you had. If you start to feel jealous or hurt in some way...don't be afraid to take time for yourself to heal first. after a few months of not seeing each other, breaking all contact, you will slowly begin forgetting about her. Being friends with an ex (if you were in a serious relationship) is not recommended, if you are in a new and growing relationship. He still wants to be friends and tries to make time for you. Huge red flag that his ex wife refused to acknowledge me and turned their daughter against me as well. Recently my BF of a year broke up with me. Ex is not interested to see you. I think people can be friends after breaking up, but there needs to be a clean break period first. Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash. Just bear in mind that you can both remain amicable without having to be friends, it’s not a requirement. Here’s what it means if her ex is still … It wouldn't work right after the break up. That level could be emotional or physical, but the attraction is there so if your ex asks you to have sex with him, use it to your advantage. That lasted a whole couple of weeks. If you’re on this site, you’re looking for solutions in terms of getting back together; not being friends with an ex that left you (or the person that maybe you broke up with.) Ummmm shitty. Before I actually start diving in and answering this question I’d like to lecture for a little bit. I personally need time to be upset, then angry for a long time, then neutral, then awkward hangouts, then friends! Their cut-throat dedication to doing anything to boost their own profile means you’re still counted as a ‘friend’ if you are useful in this. References Carnell, S. (2012, May 14). I need a little time to not be friends at all first. I wasn't okay with my exes until Atleast 4 months post breakup and now we're really good friends and still hang out. It's really pleasant because we work together. Also, there are certain scenarios where it is possible to have a friendship post-love affair: Say you pretty much grew up together—and then sort-of outgrew each other. 1 ... And no one wants the added pressure of an ex who wants more than you can give. Your ex is mean to you (and/or angry at you) most of the time. The comfortable companionship. I'm friends with one of my exes, we're on great terms. Relationships are like walking on a tightrope of rainbows. I dont think its conducive to your future relationships (unless of course you plan to remain single after this breakup) to maintain links with a previous intimate relationship - and by intimate I mean both physical and emotional. If you try and find that it’s hurting your heart to be around them, there is … I barely remember the break up though (horrible accident did some damage to my brain). If she compares you to her brother, relatives, or friends, it’s clear she does not like you. r/AskReddit is the place to ask and answer thought-provoking questions. I do not think it's possible to fall immediately into a great friendship after a breakup. Your ex is probably asking around to find out if he or she has a chance of getting back together with you, because your ex still cares about you and wants you back. Your Ex Wants Sex With No Strings; 1.4 4. 1 Why Your Ex Wants To Be Friends. They're beautiful while your on it, but when you mess up everything comes crashing down. . It comes down to the specific relationship. Sorry that it didn't work out for you, but I think thats an experience everyone has to make sometime. If we break up due to betrayal, inability to get along, etc. I know I was friends with that first ex for months until she got a bf and it was like a dagger to the heart (then didn't talk for about 4 years). Do not remain friends with someone who has tried to destroy you in the past; they most likely are planning to do more of the same in the present. Even if he would never admit it, our ex-husband probably misses the good things about the marriage he gave up. I can't imagine having her not in my life. Took me a year to realize that i really couldn't deal with that in high school so we broke up. Give yourself time alone and work on the friendship a little later down the road or as something very low on your to do list, so to speak. Nope. However, I feel like instead of ending it with a "can we be friends?" Well, my ex was diagnosed with schizophrenia a year and a half in to our relationship. We talked regularly for a bit shortly after we broke up. How did it work out with you? If an ex is still in the picture he gives her these 3 needs… 1-He is the key to security. Not only would that make me worry about the security of my relationship, but I’d also feel bad for her. A couple past girls and I tried to be fuck buddies after a break up. I care to know how they're doing. It'll stop you from getting over it. It's just after some time for being friends...we pulled apart and went our separate ways. Rather, they'll be happy, and might even wish you well. If it was a completely one-sided breakup, I would probably have a problem with being friends. Nope, I dont really get the obsession people have with this idea. How To Get Your Ex Back If He Wants To Be Friends. Falling for your ex’s mind games only gives your ex a heightened sense of superiority and a license to do it again, and again. Hopefully, if you ask for what you want and stick to it, healing will come just a … They Want The Best Of Both Worlds It is my opinion that you cannot be friends WHILE you are breaking up. But if after two months, your ex still calls you names, talks down to you, publicly ignores you or treats you insensitively, you might want to ask yourself if … But they were bad to me in the relationship. The main thing though is it takes time, especially if the relationship was long term. By the time our relationship had deteriorated to that point, I was just glad to have them out of my life for good. The first couple of years were rough, and quite an adjustment period, but we've been friends for over a decade now so I'd say it's a success. However, I will just do the fade away. By using our Services or clicking I agree, you agree to our use of cookies. I'll be around if you want to, too." He said it was because he has too much going on in his life right now and didn't want to disappoint me by not living up to my expectations. I really felt that my ex liked that his ex wife still might secretly want him back even though he divorced her. When assessing whether to be friends with a toxic ex or give them a second chance, remember that true friends do not maliciously harm, exploit or use you. I don't think it's impossible to be friends, but it takes time and some work, depending on the relationship. He said he still wants to be friends. Hope you're doing well now and glad that you kept her as a friend! If your ex is already in a new relationship , don’t let … Sure. Not going to happen. If the relationship ends amicably, staying close with the person can make it hard to move on. There's also an important difference between having a friend ship and being friend ly. she couldn't move on and seeing me with other girls was rough for her. Just because your ex doesn't want to be in a romantic relationship with you, doesn't mean they don't care. The right amount of contact with a good ex will vary situationally. If there is nothing serious going on, you’re the one your ex still wants. Sorry that you had to get a restraining order, in addition to the break up it seems really tough. 7 Reasons Being Friends with Your Ex Doesn’t Work: Most of the time, a post-breakup friendship is a setup for further heartbreak, especially for the person who was left and probably feels rejected. I'm generally not a big fan of people being sort of 'grandfathered' into having a spot in my life. I think it's good to go no contact for a couple months before trying to have a friendship, just so you aren't still emotionally attached. Being friends with an ex you still love is a contentious subject. Relationships aren’t built on apathy. It really depends on the circumstances of your break up. References Carnell, S. (2012, May 14). Remaining friends directly out of the breakup has the potential to just hurt you all over again when they date someone else or try to move on themselves. 8. And for people who aren’t just trying to cushion the blow while their ex is weeping in front of them, it can be really tough to say “no” to an ex who reaches out in a friendly way. On the other hand, if your ex really is seeing someone else, then he is probably over you or at the very least, he wants to give off that impression. it should be more of a door left open - "I'd still like to be friends. What do you think of 1 Month no contact for each year relationship, that would make 7 months. I'm currently going through a breakup and he hopes we can one day be friends. We split seven years ago after a two-year relationship, but we, and our families, are still close. I feel like having 7 years in...you have a good chance at maintaining a friendship with her. I know this makes sense to organize your feelings and move on. Most of us know it all too well. If he wants a life with me, then he needs to give up the life he had with her. But I haven't experienced that myself. Many life-long soulmates started out as close friends, but many friendships have also been ended by attempts to make it … An exception might be if the couple breaks up easily and mutually. . How long were you two together? Sort of like a "Break glass in case of emergency" type of … I would want to remain friends, or at least on good terms, with an ex so long as the break up wasn't nasty. In your case, I would step back for awhile. This opinion might not be popular or seen as particularly mature but I don't want to extend the hurt feelings of the breakup and the best way in my opinion to get over this person is to not do this. But after the initial excitement from the ex text has worn off, the feelings that follow can be a mixed bag. On the one hand, you’re relishing the fact that you’re still on this person’s mind. 3-This guy is a potential mate because he has already been her boyfriend or boy-toy. Why Your Ex Wants To Be Friends With You After A Breakup. The relationship between us was great and I liked being around her. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. I can’t say that I sway one way over the other with this issue. However, I'm still friends with a girl who I was intimate/sexual with and loved, but never officially dated. I don't think there's anything inherently noble or positive about trying to work out a friendship with an ex and I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with it either. If I meet up with them later in life maybe we can be friends then, but after a breakup...not a chance. it should be more of a door left open - "I'd still like to be friends. Your friends may drop a hint that your ex still talks about you. When your ex just wants to be friends, it is not necessary a bad thing. In this video, relationship coach Brad Browning, a relationship expert reveals five signs that show if your ex boyfriend wants you back..If your ex wants to have sex with you, it can be a good sign because it shows that he is still attracted to you on some level. Video Summary. I never fully get over my exes. Make her fall in love from the start, so you will not face the awkward situation of "she just wants to be friends". Wanting to be friends with you. This could either be to keep tabs on his ex or because he doesn't believe their relationship is truly over. Just the one I mentioned and a really long-term relationship where we tried to stay friends and failed miserably because he put on a front instead of telling me he was bitter, until he finally came clean that he didn't want me in his life. I want to be good friends with my exes. I wouldn't want to be friends with someone who makes me miserable. For all three I've tried that with. It […] Great advice, thanks! When assessing whether to be friends with a toxic ex or give them a second chance, remember that true friends do not maliciously harm, exploit or use you. I realize that each of us will have sexual partners and be eventualy in another relationship. 14 Signs Your Ex is Over You and Doesn’t Want You Back; 16 Ways to Move On When You Still Love Your Ex; 14 Ways to Stay Friends with Your Ex After a Breakup; 10 Reasons Why You Can’t Move On From Your Ex; 10 Inspirational Tips to Heal a Broken Heart; 9 Ways to Live Your Life to the Fullest While Being Single Well, I'll see how it works out. Some can do it, some can’t. In a breakup there are always going to be some feelings of pain and sadness but do you feel it's better to just cut contact or try to stay on good terms? You’re Friends And He Doesn’t Want To Lose You. If you're trying to get over your ex and your breakup, this post will show you how. Yeah. For example: A woman might say to her ex man, “I think we should be friends.We should stay in touch.” Rather than agree with her about being “friends” and then immediately organize a meet up where he can reactivate some of her feelings for him in person, he instead says, “Sure, lets be friends.Text me or call me if you want to say hi” and he then waits for her to contact him. It does not give you or your ex time to grieve the loss of the relationship or marriage. Similarly, your ex might be contacting your friends as well, to know about your well-being. But if you two are to be friends, it won't be right away, it takes time, you can't force it, and you have to recognize and be sensitive to both your feelings and theirs. 1.1 1. Worse still, if she says, “…not in that way, I'm not sure, or I'm not ready…”, think twice. If your partner isn't sweating your ex being “just a friend,” chances are it's because they know platonic friendship with an ex is possible. There is no good reason for your ex to pressure you into being a friend. But not right away. If a relationship ends in hurt, the hurt can fade and you might be able to re-discover what you DID like about the person and form a friendship. By using our Services or clicking I agree, you agree to our use of cookies. You may want to deny that your ex misses you and still cares about you, but you should trust that your friends care about you, too. High school boyfriend that you dated for two months and then left for another dude? The ill-fated “lets be friends” cliche is still alive and well. after a few years, i've become friends with most of mine. Being friends with an ex presents some key challenges. 7 years is long time so maybe longer than a few months but time will definitely help. After a breakup, if it wasn't on awful terms why waste all that time knowing someone so well if there are some qualities of a friendship? So you’re here because you want to know the signs your ex wants you back… but is too stubborn to admit it.. You broke up, but you’re realizing (or already realized) life without him isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. If your friends ever tell you that your ex asked your relationship status, it's a major sign that he or she misses you. You’re Friends And He Doesn’t Want To Lose You. Let me know! He had the idea that maybe I will change my mind and as a result...things got creepy and weird quickly. It is common to find a man resisting the urge to ask a girl out after they have been just friends. Yes of course it depends on the relationship, if it ended poorly or a partner should not be in your life I think most people completely understand that. It's less of an obligation/pressure and more of a gentle offer. They're still in love, can't imagine the ex with someone else, or didn't want the relationship to end in the first place. M y ex is one of my closest friends. Apparently we got back together for a monthish after we broke up, don't remember that at all. They could be missing you but do not want to convey their feelings. If he still thinks he may still end up with her, he may still view her family as his future family and thus, it makes sense for him to stay connected to his future in-laws. That's the thing, I don't really want to forget about her. I still talk to both my long term exes. That means no seeing each other, calling/texting/Facebooking each other, nothing. In my opinion, guys want to remain friends to keep the door open in case she needs ANY type of assistance. And no one wants the added pressure of an ex who wants more than you can give. Being friends with your ex is a topic that has been discussed too many times by now. Overall, the benefits of remaining friends with your ex should constantly outweigh the negatives. I wouldn't have gotten over him otherwise. If your ex just wants to be friends, they won't bat an eye when you mention all the Tinder dates you've gone on recently. Break-ups can bring out the “mean” in even the sweetest of us. Cookies help us deliver our Services. I'll be around if you want to, too." Sussman says exes who have kids together should try to remain on good terms if possible, since they’ll be in each other’s lives for the long run. It is my opinion that it is best to make a clean break - At first, at least - And then re-visit the friendship later, when the feelings from the romantic relationship have faded. It can be tricky, trying to navigate a new romantic relationship that has grown out of a friendship, but it’s entirely do-able. The traditions. If I got to know them through a relationship, walking away entirely might be the easiest option. Until than we should have both continued with our lives and should be ready to try to work on a relationship. It always helps to wait till both you and her are in different relationships and are happy with the person that they are, A few year seems like a long time, I'm currently thinking of at least 1 month for every year relationship. But attempting to forge a friendship before you’re ready can do more harm than good. If your ex boyfriend/girlfriend wants to be friends, it also means that she/he is confused and wants to keep all the options open. Having friends who are women is fine because they’re just friends. AskWomen: A subreddit dedicated to asking women questions about their thoughts, lives, and experiences; providing a place where all women can comfortably and candidly share their responses in a non-judgmental space. Very often, exes want even less than that. Another I lost touch with after high school (dated for 3 years) but now 8 years later we talk without any weirdness. That could mean your ex wants to know about you but doesn’t dare to contact you directly. Yeah, I assume both parts must be ok that the relationship ended and know that there's likely no chance for a come back. He says they broke up because they just did not have a spark there but they are still connected to each other because they still hang out. The thing I appreciate most about my most recent ex was that he was strong enough to say he wasn't ready to be friends when we broke up. If your ex still cares for you, then s/he would be dying to see you again if given a chance. That sounds like what I'm aiming at. I treasure one of my friend-exes and can’t see my life without him, while another of my friend exes … well, let’s just say if he disappeared from my life forever, I … Last I heard she blames me for being the one to stop talking. So, what golden rule should you remember? But attempting to forge a friendship before you’re ready can do more harm than good. He was friends with one of the girls for many years they dated and were sexually active a few months before we started dating but they still hang out just as friends. Part of the appeal of "we can still be friends" is that the person who didn't do the breaking up (you in this case) can still hold on to some bit of the relationship and that normally ends up turning into holding out hope that you'l lget back together. Security. I'm friendly with all of my ex gfs, but with all of them it took time. 9. He wants me to meet her but every time i … Sometimes I've just felt like I've grown beyond the person or that they really are such a negative influence that I want them gone and then sometimes I'm apathetic and then sometimes I wish to hold onto some sort of presence. I'm not actively friends with any of my "technical exes", though there's at least one I'd still be friendly to. After a breakup, you may be tempted to try to be friends with your ex.You still care about this person, after all. Press J to jump to the feed. ended in me breaking her heart. That sounds like the most reasonable thing to do and I was thinking about it already. Friendships make us feel safe and fulfill attachment needs, so it's no surprise that security … I absolutely agree with this. And for some it might be. Many life-long soulmates started out as close friends, but many friendships have also been ended by attempts to make it … Such behavior shows that they are still into you and at least want some reaction from you. Don't cut ties & break off the friendship, but give yourself time to be out of the relationship and move on with out being around them for awhile. When your ex tells you they want to be friends, you are actually being presented with a huge opportunity. These negative traits are the reason they’re likely to want to stay friends after a break up. Glad to hear that it's possible! I don’t see exes as just friends, though. This is the most obvious reason. There's also an important difference between having a friend ship and being friend ly. And remaining pals may seem like the mature, evolved thing to do. At some point in his life he loved her, and at this point he loves me. It takes a long time...I'm friends with one ex, but that was after not talking for a few years, and our breakup was just due to differing life goals, not because someone treated the other poorly. I don't feel a generalized need to be friends with people I've dated after the fact. Most of the time, it has worked out all right. So the “family time” is fake cover for one partner hoping for reconciliation in my opinion. If after 3 – 4 months, you are still unable to get your ex to a more “intimate” form of contact (phone call, video chats, face-to-face meetings), or get them to want to communicate more than a few texts here and there, chances are your ex is just stringing you along for their entertainment or revenge. The family gatherings that we usually did most of the work to make happen. my ex and I are still texting 3 months since our affair ended and shes trying again with the ex she broke up with to start our thing. Do not remain friends with someone who has tried to destroy you in the past; they most likely are planning to do more of the same in the present. It was a huge ego stroke to him. But I say this as someone who until my current relationship...never been with someone for even a year. After 7 months we should have both continued with our lives. If you want to be friends with an ex, this is another area where you’ll need to consciously work to reconsider your habits. Not interested. They’re built on a series of constant choices. Press J to jump to the feed. She even organised my last birthday party. Personally, if the person was a close friend before, then I think it's worth it. M y ex is one of my closest friends. It will not work of you don't both take some time apart. Cookies help us deliver our Services. Now the other two I don't ever care to see or hear from again. I do not like to burn bridges unless necessary. It's less of an obligation/pressure and more of a gentle offer. 3. After all, he has loved you in the past. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. 2-She is intimately connected and that’s a natural human intrinsic need. You need to work on getting over your romantic feelings for her before you can be friends. Luckily I moved away for college so I didn't end up having to deal with it much after. You would tell your friends if their ex missed them, so they'll do the same for you. Being her “friend” is essentially allowing her to sit on the fence. An ex and I broke up once because although we got along great, but what we had simply wasn't love. Just be aware of your own feelings. Your Ex Regrets The Decision To Break-Up; 1.2 2. As you can see, when an ex wants to be friends it is rarely a good idea. If he's still in touch with her family, it is because he wants to be. All seemed to be going well in be-friends town until she said one day "I think we need to stop talking so much" and "Why don't you shut the fuck up?" You can TOTALLY be friends with your ex! If we end it on a good, mutual note, sure. It can be tricky, trying to navigate a new romantic relationship that has grown out of a friendship, but it’s entirely do-able. Ex wants to be friends I want more: You don’t want to be Friend-Zoned by the one you love! Like they both were bored, saw it wasn't right and would prefer friendship to a relationship. Agreed, I think (at least for me personally) trying to be friends too soon just brings back the good parts of the relationship and I might end up bringing back feelings for them and not being able to deal as well with breaking up. Well I’m here to tell you that it’s the WRONG way to go about it. If they ask for this I'll agree. How frequently to you meet? But I still want her as friend, because after 7 years she's probably the person who knows the most about me. If you want her back, you need to force her to make a choice. Here are seven things to do if your ex wants to stay friends and you don't, according to experts. You hear from mutual friends or get the vibe from mutual friends that she still likes you. However, I feel like instead of ending it with a "can we be friends?" Trying to be friends I mean. Ex … We split seven years ago after a two-year relationship, but we, and our families, are still close. She even organised my last birthday party. Long term boyfriend who cheated on you, left you pregnant, and tries to steal money from you at every turn? The reason for that is because people hate being perceived as “bad people”, and instead wish to feel redeemed for their sins (especially when something goes wrong). I think that if my current boyfriend and I were to break up...we would remain friends. What if she’s still in love with him? Your ex boyfriend wants to be friends. The fact that your boyfriend still wants to be friends means he still wants you in his life. The best thing for both of them to do is to move on without each other.